Common Courtesy goes along way.

A few weeks ago I became another statistic and had my cell phone stolen. Although to a large extent it was self-inflicted, the result was a happy ending.

I met a few mates for a drink after work one evening at the local. As the evening progressed and the jack started flowing we decided that it would be a great idea to drive down to the one of the recent concerts that was happening in Durban the next morning. I had been given a couple of vip tickets for the DBN show by a client and having attended the Pretoria gig where we were treated like royalty it was decided that the pros far outweighed the cons. So everyone parted ways off to their houses to pack a bag – the idea was that I would drive around and fetch everyone and we would be on our merry way. Throwing caution to the wind I packed my sleeping bag – and a few clothes plus any alcoholic beverage within my grasp, which by the by was mainly peppermint liquor, sambucca and a few drops of scotch – aka major Vomit Comet.

And then the rain started … everyone started sobering up – and all of a sudden our road trip 5 hour drive and no where to crash dreams were not so appealing anymore.

So off to Billys for us – A couple of those Call me a Cab’s and we were back in gear. Now I enjoy the female form as much as the next guy – but strip clubs have never proven to be much of a major attraction to me. Giving a Russian bimbo 300 bucks to gyrate her hips on my crotch whilst she is pretending to be mildly interested in my name seems like a waste of a vacuum cleaner.

--- Side track ---- My Vacuum theory

Straight out of Varsity I was sharing a flat with a mate – we had loads of hand me downs and were scrambling to kit ourselves out with the amenities required to survive. My mate enjoyed his nose candy and one Sunday after a hectic weekend – as it does ... his post drugging depression set in. I was trying to be the voice of reason and told him how it was such a waste of money. Next thing an ad for some cheesy retail store came on and they were advertising a special on vacuum cleaners exactly 300 bucks - the price of any nigerian's finest – so naturally I said “dude every time you do it, its like sticking a vacuum cleaner up your nose”. The comparison worked and he seriously cut down. The Vacuum cleaner theory has stuck.

--- Back to my story ---

So one of the lads, lets call him LB got the great idea to visit the new strip-club that has opened in Randburg – Lolly pops or something like wise. So off we go, after 20 minutes the novelty wore off and the “love you long times” had got the message --- I would have made shylock proud ! The other lads were blowing money like George Bush on a “peace keeping campaign”. They decided to disprove my theory and paid some skanky bitch to take me into the lap dance area. Well nothing new here – danced for exactly two songs – pretended to be getting off on me and then pissed off. Fucking Wasted Vacuum cleaner.
Eventually the lads decided that enough was enough and we left. I was on my way home when I thought I would check my phone – and guess what – no phone!

Now I had worn my jacket the whole evening – besides the lap dance – where it was firmly positioned on the chair behind me. Now the stripper had given me her phone number for what I really don’t know – the last person I would every wish to hook up with is a stripper.

So I called her and asked if she had my phone – to which she replied “I make enough money and don’t need to take other peoples things” – Whatever. So I blacklisted the phone and that was that.

So I called my network provider and began the long and drawn out process of reporting a stolen phone and claiming insurance. After visiting the police station 45 minutes of filling out documents and 3 weeks wait the insurance company called me to tell me my claim had been approved. In order to stay ahead of the game I had already visited the cell shop and scouted out replacement models.

I receive another call from the network provider to say that they would be sending through a list of phones available as my replacement. Get the list, of three and they are all crappy dead end models. So I chatted to the guy telling him how disappointed I was in the selection available – he said it was beyond his control and what phone had I selected. So I went for the Samsung, he says ok I’ll call you on Friday. Pissed off in the supposed incompetency I could not understand why I had to wait till Friday to process the claim.

Friday he calls to tell me that they have just run out of the model I had requested and would have to send me the new Samsung D8 – whatever. Lucky me !

Next day my phone arrives and I am as happy as a pig in shit.

So the point of my story – BE NICE TO PEOPLE IT GETS YOU STUFF!